When it comes to scary movies, I’m useless. As in, I have a hard time separating fiction from reality. I can’t bear to watch, but I can’t quite look away, and have definitely watched scenes peeking through the cracks between my fingers. More than once.
The experience during the movie isn’t even the worst part – when it’s over I can’t stop thinking about it, like for DAAAYS! Inevitably I find myself buried under blankets in the dark trying to calm a racing heart and telling myself that there’s no werewolf/vampire/masked psychopath hiding in our hallway.
I also have a recurring theme in dreams where I’m being held hostage, or in some kind of try to escape/life-or-death situation. Fun.
So, as you can imagine when I woke up from a dream that I was the person responsible for saving what was left of humanity after the zombie apocalypse, and we were quickly becoming surrounded, I was a little freaked out. Luckily a full bladder had roused me from that untenable situation, but then I laid paralyzed in bed for at least ten minutes (yes, I confess this to you) before I could get myself to venture through the dark apartment to the bathroom. #can’tmakethisstuffup
When I tell M things like this he likes to get all logical – like “well, if you thought there were zombies out there shouldn’t you have been running straight to Z’s room to save him?” Thanks sane husband. Clearly you do not understand the nature of such fears.
Anyway the point is, even after my heroic/uneventful trip to the bathroom, when I made it back to bed I had a serious amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins. If I wanted to sleep, I was going to have to do something to counteract all the stress I had just conjured up.
So, here it is. The post zombie apocalypse, guaranteed to calm your nerves, get to sleep quick, relaxing breath practice:
- Take a slow, steady exhale through your mouth
- Inhale through your nose for a count of 4
- Lightly hold your breath for a count of 7 (don’t squeeze or contract here, it’s simply an interruption of the inhale/exhale pattern)
- Have a slow, steady exhale through your mouth for a count of 8
- Repeat steps 2-4 for as long as you’d like (or until you fall asleep)
Thought it should be more complicated? This is simple, good stuff – ask Dr. Andrew Weil.